Dirty Secrets
by Unclear Destiny
Summary: Hisoka has a dirty secret and Tsuzuki catches him redhanded. Now two chapters!. Please R&R!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I no own YnM, DoD, whatever you wanna call it. I also do not own any bands/singers that may appear and subsequently do not own and other animes/characters that also may be written in this fic, whether it just be in passing comment or no. Now, with all the legal stuff at the side, we now move onto the...

WARNING: Beware of the RANDOMNESS and OOCNESS, or shall you die a most horrible death via the absolute INSANITY that lies here on, in.

Dirty Secrets.

Ch. 1

Hisoka yawned. And he yawned. And then he yawned some more.

He was very, very, very bored.

Very, very, VERY bored.

In fact, he was so bored as to write 'BORED' in the little spaces of his paperwork one million times and one million times again.

His hands were also cold. They were VERY cold. He didn't know WHY they were cold, but they were cold. The forever-Teen sighed and grumpily rested his chin on his hand, fiddling with the pencil. He didn't feel like doing paper-work today. He just...didn't. What he wanted to do was go home and listen to music. Maybe even finish the novel he had started reading a while back.

However, he couldn't do THAT, because then Tsuzuki would get worried and report to Tatsumi, who would get worried, who would report it to Watari, who might get worried, who would, in turn, tell Tsuzuki to go check on the 'Bon' and he would, thereby catching Hisoka indulging in his Dirty Secret.

His VERY Dirty Secret.

Oh yes, it was very Dirty indeed. A little bloody, gory and hard, and most certainly DIRTY.

Or at least it had been in the Kurosaki residence, but when Hisoka had gotten his hands on some, he just couldn't stop! He bought more and more and eventually got himself a Members Discount card because he went there nearly every damn day.

Or at least, whenever he got money. Which wasn't very often come to think of it, so he usually had to sell a few things to get his weekly/daily indulgence.

Speaking of which, he was getting his pay-check today.

An eensy, weensy smile made it's way onto Hisoka's face. Tsuzuki, who had just entered, nearly fainted at the sight.

"Soka-chan! You're smiling!" squealed the overactive puppy.

"Idiot."

"Hidooooiiiii!"

"Shut up, idiot, you're giving me a migraine."

Pout Pout.

Pause.

"Soka-chan?"

"Don't call me that and yes?"

"Why were you smiling?"

"I wasn't smiling."

"Yes you were."

"No I was not."

"Yes you were!"

"Baka, go away."

Tsuzuki-puppy sniffed.

"Meanie."

Later. Aren't I lazy?

Hisoka looked around suspiciously, coming out of the shop with a bag held protectively to his chest. He looked around again and warily stepped onto the sidewalk, before streaking into an alley and teleporting home. Hisoka ran to his room and locked it, paranoid beyond reason and held his back to the door, emerald eyes glinting as an insane grin made it's way to his face.

"Oh yeah, keep on rollin, baby." (1)

Tsuzuki chomped down happily on his treats, a paper-bag filled to the brim held gingerly in his arms, cradled to his chest. He didn't eat them all at once, oh no, he had to give some to Hisoka first! He scarffed down another sweet, nodding to himself. Yes indeed, there was no way that he would let Hisoka live without the wonderfulness of treats any longer! It was sacrilegious! It was bastardly! It was..-

Hisoka's house!

Tsuzuki gave a small cry of excitement and ran up the steps and was about to barge in when he noticed something wrong. It took him a second to put his finger on it, but when he did, he gasped.

Someone was screaming!

A very unholy scream at that! Tsuzuki immediately kicked the door down and ran in, then blinked as the scream stopped and turned into words that sounded like 'One, nothing wrong with me, Two, nothing wrong with me, Three, nothing wrong with me, Four nothing wrong with me' then it switched to 'One, something's got to give,' and so on until he heard the unholy scream again and something about bodies hitting a floor.

Tsuzuki stared for a bit, then warily approached Hisoka's door, found it locked, and teleported in, then gaped.

Hisoka stood in the middle of the room, hands on knees and was...

Head banging! (2)

Tsuzuki watched blankly and then carefully approached the teen. Hisoka stopped head banging once he saw the man.

The two stared at each other for a few seconds until Hisoka yelled at him to get out and started throwing books at him. Tsuzuki yelped and ran out of the house, books following him.

On later retrospect, Tsuzuki would say that he was at least grateful that it wasn't Brittany Spears .

He would also say that he was surprised Hisoka hadn't gotten whiplash.

Eh...well, that's it!

1. Track from Limp Biscuit. I can now sing along to that song.

2. Oh, Lord, please give me fanart for this! I don't know where I'll put it, maybe Dev. Art, but pleeeeaaaase! Heck, you can even host it on your own site if you want, just give me the link.


	2. Box Blond

Disclaimer: Don't own Gravitation, YnM nor am I making a profit from this story.

Auhors note: To all of those who called me out on the mistake in teh previous chapter, read the AN at the bottom of this one. Please.

Oh fucking hell...  
Hisoka winced and hissed as he stared wide eyed at the mirror, lifting up a piece of soft sandy blonde hair.  
Examining his roots, the boy groaned.

He was so screwed.

"Kurosaki phoned in sick?"

Tsuzuki nodded, concerned.  
"Yeah, he called me and told me to tell you that he's not feeling well."

Tatsumi frowned, examining the man before him.  
"Well, why don't you go check up on him? I want to know how long he'll be missing work for."

Tsuzuki nodded with a cheerful grin and glomped the man goodbye before prancing out the room. Of course he was happy! After all..  
"To Hisoka's house we go! Yeeeeey!"  
Of course, Tsuzuki had completely forgotten aout the last time he had gone to the boys house. This time would not be so different.

Meanwhile, Hisoka was turning his house topsy turvy for any hidden money. So far he had five dollars and ten cents. Not near enough what he needed.

He could always dig into his private stash, where a good one thousand was saved up(which he had stolen from his parents. Heh heh heh..) but he couldn't find the keys to the safe and didn't want to set off the alarms. He didn't need his eardrums raped today, thank you. He got that enough from Muraki's blathering when he was kidnapped once a month.

It was, of course, getting rather old and he was now permitted to bring ear plugs. Yay!

But he was off subject.

The empath stared solemnly at the money he held in his hands. There was no way he could get what he needed from this!  
Curse himself for falling into temptation and getting that new Bad Luck poster!

But damn did Shuichi look good in red pleather.

Wiping the silly grin off his face, as he was supposed to be mourning and not fantasizing, Hisoka looked around and sighed before diving into the couch.  
Only to be caught by the doorbell.  
Eyes widening in horror, the forever teen stared at the door, cheek twitching before trudging over. Summoning his best 'sick' voice and fatigued look, he opened the door an inch, just enough to see through. It was, of course, Tsuzuki.

"Yeah?"  
"Hisoka!"

The teens plan was foiled when the door exploded inward and sent him flying, hyper puppy and all.  
Groaning and swirly eyed, Hisoka didn't notice Tsuzuki when he got over his happy nuzzling and stared at him, confused.

Something was different about the boy and he couldn't see what.

Tilting his head, he scrutinized the cutie underneath him. Eyeliner? No, he always wore that. Pale skin? No, that was his normal complexion. Blond hair with brown roots? No, that-

Wait a minute.

Blond hair with brown roots?

An hour later saw a hysterically laughing, newly broke and very beat up looking Tsuzuki limping into Tatsumi's office.  
The secretary looked suitibly baffled.

"Tsuzuki? Is Hisoka well?"  
"Y-Y-Yeah, he's o-o-okay! B-But I'm broke again."

Tatsumi looked surprised. Tsuzuki had been doing especially well with his money lately and had been saving it up for Hisoka's birthday.

"What? Why?"  
"Well, you see, odd story. I gave it to Hisoka."  
"Again, why?"  
"You see, Hisoka-"

The man doubled over in laughter again.

"He-he-he's-"

"What? He's what?"

"Hisoka's a box blonde!"

Tatsumi blinked and thought that one over.

"Well, no wonder he's so smart."

This sent Tsuzuki to the floor in fits of giggles, unable to laugh properly due to lack of air.

Authors note:  
Okay, randomly did this last night on an idea I've had for awhile. Heh heh heh...Also, there is now yet another twisted YnM story you can look forward to, in which Obssesive!Hisoka takes center stage. :D Heh heh.

To another point. I received a lot of reviews informing me of my 'mix-up' with Drowning Pool and Limp Bizkit.

Totally unnecessary.

If you think that anybody could mix those two up, you're dead wrong. Unless somebody actually did in which case they're idiots.

Now then, let's look at the evidence.

The words "Oh yeah, keep on rolling baby'.

The song 'Let the Bodies hit the Floor'

'Oh yeah, keep on rolling baby' is an allusion to Limp Bizkit's Rollin'(Air Raid Vehicle/Urban Assault Vehicle) tracks.

The song 'Let the bodies hit the floor' does no way, in any shape or form, resemble either of these tracks. Nor do any of the Drowning Pool songs that I've heard resemble Limp Bizkit's style of music.

To all of the reviewers who called out my 'mistake', I appreciate your efforts but, excuse me if I seem bitchy, do consider where the number is placed next time. Save both of us the trouble. Please. And thank you.


	3. Yes Mistress!

Disclaimer: Own Nada. Sue Nada.

A/N: CONTEST! READ BOTTOM!

* * *

It was a beautiful day in Meifu.

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and most importantly, EnmaCho was peaceful and quiet.

Tatsumi sighed, arms behind his head and feet kicked up on his desk.

Could things get any better than this?

"UWAAAAAAAIIIIIIIII!"

The loud exclamation sent the startled secretary reeling and falling back.

No, but things could certainly get worse.

Scrambling to get back into his chair, Tatsumi seethed, his perfect day ruined.

"TSUZUKIIIIIII!"

96

Twenty minutes later, a gleeful Tsuzuki skipped out of Tatsumi's office, the stern lecture doing nothing to his ecstatic mood.

The reason for his mood?  
Hisoka had asked him out on a date!

Well, not really a date, they weren't even going anywhere special, but still!

Skipping down the halls of EnmaCho, Tsuzuki went on, guilelessly naive.

Shouldn't Tsuzuki know by now that if it involved going to Hisoka's house, then things were bound to get strange?

69

The day had come.

Skipping gleefully beside his younger partner as they ventured to Hisoka's house, Tsuzuki hummed and hooed and smiled and...and...bode?

Yes, Bode! He Bode their path to Hisoka's House by gleefully skipping ahead, completely unaware of the sadistic glint in his younger partner's eyes, unaware of the way he rubbed his hands together and how a malicious darkness seemed to follow him.

Yes, completely unaware was he-

"Hisoka, stop cackling and let's go!"

Well, maybe not unaware of that.

Frowning as he was pulled along haplessly, Hisoka glowered.

"Aww, Hisoka is so CUTE when he's pouting!"

"I'm not cute! And I'm _not pouting_!"

Yes Tsuzuki, you'll get yours, oh you'll get yours...

When they got to Hisoka's House, the master of said house quickly dished up tea and excused himself to the bathroom.

Smiling as he sipped his tea, Tsuzuki licked his lips. Yummy! Hisoka always made the best tea!

Footsteps alerted him to Hisoka's return and he spun around to compliment...Only to fall from his chair.

The Cat O' Nine Tails swished by a fishnet encased leg, a simple black dress with four white buttons, two on each side of his chest and a high collar modestly covering Hisoka's nether regions.  
Delicate feet were accented by thick black heeled shoes and slim almost delicate hands were covered in frilly gloves.

"Hi...Hi...Hi...So...Kaaaa? Eeep!"

"That's Mistress! Get on your knees, dog!"

"Ye-Yes Mistress!"

"Now bark!  
Crack!

"Arf!"

"Again!"

Crack!

"ARF!"

"Whose your Mistress dog!"

"You are!"

Crack!  
"ARF!"

Tsuzuki awoke with a gasp.

Clutching at his racing heart and heaving loudly, Tsuzuki looked around, bug eyed with images of green eyes and fishnet stocking dancing in his mind.

Hisoka found out later that Tsuzuki had come down with a sudden case of Malaria, Small Pox, Shingles, the Mumps, Red Eye, Mad Cow Virus and a cold and thus had to postpone their 'Date'.

Frowningly, Hisoka set aside the new Bad Luck concert he had wanted to watch with his partner, and the various yaoilicious movies with it.

Oh well, another time then.

* * *

A/N: Heh heh heh, poor poor Tsuzuki. Not really a Dirty Secret, but entertaining all the same.

ATTENTION! I am holding a CONTEST!

**If Hisoka were to cosplay someone then who would it be?**

Winners will receive a gift fanart of either their YnM character of choice or Hisoka in costume as well as chapter dedication!

Tell me your answers in your reviews, contest closes next chapter!


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